tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58350792011-10-02T09:14:53.705-04:00aloha means goodbye. and also hello, it's in how you inflect.Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.comBlogger1251100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1123692560306534502005-08-10T12:48:00.000-04:002005-08-10T12:49:20.313-04:00

because my chest feels like a nail bomb exploded inside it i walked around my house yesterday, seriously contemplating eliminating the offending organ by spending my (non-impressive) savings on an apoplectic amount of drugs so that my heart would explode. because i am a pussy, i instead walked around my house bursting into tears at various intervals and stared at myself in the mirror, amazed at

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com56tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1123598836847283232005-08-09T10:45:00.000-04:002005-08-09T10:47:16.853-04:00

you guys are totally lucky... this morning my ex dropped the bomb that he wants to cut off all communication with me, which i predict will result in a shitload of substance abuse and ensuing tomfoolery. stay tuned!

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1123553523315003332005-08-08T22:04:00.000-04:002005-08-08T22:12:03.320-04:00

i've been driven so crazy by this early morning shift i'm on that requires 5 ayem wakeups that every afternoon when i get home, i stare in the mirror and start to cry. some of my friends think i only do this a few days a week, but in reality it's every day. see, i have this birthday card my mother sent me on my big day, which is june 23rd thanks for asking, and on it she scanned and printed a

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com109tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1122550340744732502005-07-28T07:24:00.000-04:002005-07-28T07:32:20.750-04:00

this will seem lame considering how long this last blog sabbatical has lasted, but i received two messages from friends last night that i needed to immortalize somehow.from adrienne:"rx. it's adrienne. why don't you come over to my house so we can do dance routines?"from BC (after i delivered a strawberry-rhubarb pie to her door, which seems altruistic, but was really just a bribe for her getting

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1121795542299354702005-07-19T13:45:00.000-04:002005-07-19T13:52:22.306-04:00

here's a fun fact for you kids:wearing a skirt three inches above (gasp) knee-level and a fucking super provocative PLAIN WHITE T-SHIRT will get you ONE HOT PROPOSITION from a cab driver.i was applying lip balm in the back of a taxi on sunday evening, awaiting my change, when the cabbie turned around with dripping mouth and dumb baby seal eyes, focused directly on my crotch and said, "you on a

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1121052636332484202005-07-10T23:15:00.000-04:002005-07-10T23:30:36.340-04:00

i had to log this for posterity-purposes. on friday, i was busy doing adult-type things like my taxes (late, and some of the information hastily scrawled on the back of my the envelope my friends' wedding invitation came in, with the sum to be accounted for in a crooked box, surrounded by galaxies of equations). right, so i did my taxes, then some other adult things, and then went to a stationary

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1120780110900144452005-07-07T19:40:00.000-04:002005-07-07T19:48:30.906-04:00

my favourite portion of yesterday was choosing to play all the Peaches tracks i had on my iPod, starting with the FatherFucker advance EP through to the Teaches of Peaches. i openly laughed on Queen Street when Peaches scream-sings, "some people don't like my crotch!" and Iggy Pop responds, "that's 'cause it's got fuzzy spots!!" but the coup-de-grace came along Spadina, when i walked through a

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1119998991495910532005-06-28T18:35:00.000-04:002005-06-28T18:49:51.500-04:00

god i am so lazy. do you care that i haven't posted in 12 days?so last week, last friday to be exact (that's two fridays ago, which is not last friday, but close enough), i'm sitting at a coffee shop, engaged in my second face-to-face discussion with an agent about my book proposal. the first time we met, he said a lot of things about the direction of the book that i didn't agree with. it

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1118953294662826302005-06-16T15:58:00.000-04:002005-06-16T16:21:34.670-04:00

yeah, i can't post these days because i'm freaking my ish about everything. the freakout du jour is the fact that i have my first deadline as the RESTAURANT CRITIC for a toronto magazine. how i tricked them into hiring me for that particular task i'll never know. so of course i'm now obsessing over screwing everything up and failing and having a conversation with the editor about how i shouldn't

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1118117664780885192005-06-07T00:06:00.000-04:002005-06-07T00:14:24.786-04:00

remember those posts i used to write after weekends when it was all coke this and vodka body shots that and no underpants this and who-pierced-my-labia that?i'm so much more fucking hardcore now after eating a bad oyster on thursday night (at a VIP party i snuck into to eat my dinner in stolen hors d'oeuvres). i spent all weekend expurgating most of my vital organs (rebels don't NEED gall

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1117737414026248812005-06-02T14:36:00.000-04:002005-06-02T14:36:54.030-04:00

the phone rang. at the office, we have Spyphone, or what some would call call display. when the Spyphone can't figure out how to transmit the caller's phone number accurately, it shows up as an exchange that usually looks like this: 4997-8. or 4997-12. or 4997-15. the last two numbers in the exchange will increase in direct proportion to the frequency of calls. you get the point.i'm sitting there

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1117563734806653712005-05-31T14:20:00.000-04:002005-05-31T14:22:14.813-04:00

two women in my office always seem to be eating. i wonder if they ever work, these women... because they're either gone (getting food) or sitting around (eating food). one of them is pregnant, so i suppose she's allowed to eat as much as she does. however, the other one is NOT pregnant. and what they eat... man... so CARBY! and sometimes so LARDY!!the woman i booked to have an interview on our

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1117144462184201862005-05-26T16:34:00.000-04:002005-05-26T17:55:23.186-04:00

breathing serves as such a great metaphor. inhaling and exhaling. acceptance and rejection. if you were to break down every action throughout your entire life, it almost invariably involves a decision to either take something in or cast something out. every day, the moment i stuggle with most is whether to stay inside my soft warm bed or go conduct my life in the big dumb outside. the

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1116982086488735062005-05-24T20:16:00.000-04:002005-05-24T21:50:00.023-04:00

i had to come home from work early yesterday to roll myself up into the beetle/foetal position underneath my corduroy duvet cover and have myself a little fatigue cry. how extremists conduct normal lives in new york city without their brains liquifying is beyond me.because most of my time there was either spent blacking-out-drunk or spacing-out-hungover, i'm going to write this post in the style

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1116855321275986212005-05-23T09:33:00.000-04:002005-05-23T09:35:21.280-04:00

new york killed me. my transformation from living being to undead zombie is still in progress, but once i've completed the transsubstantiation i will write a post about it.

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1116350386356443102005-05-17T13:15:00.000-04:002005-05-18T14:09:46.353-04:00

whenever i make the fatal mistake of lapsing back into old psychoparty habits on the weekends, i always, always, always, like the stupid halfwit that i am, choose saturday nights to lapse. it's also usually after i've let my liver do the horizontal mambo with an entire bottle of prosecco. it's all bubbles! bubbles are bubbly! bubbles make me think of... oceans of booze! oceans of booze are boozey

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1116011475205373102005-05-13T13:56:00.000-04:002005-05-13T15:11:15.210-04:00

willo is here: it is surreal and hilarious. her love of exclamation points in written form translates to someone with the energy output of a jet engine in real life... one day i will develop a corresponding mathematical formula to prove there is a direct correlation between egregious use of punctuation and general kookiness levels. i too am an exclamation point, followed by a question mark (

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1115746539944033082005-05-10T13:21:00.000-04:002005-05-10T13:35:40.013-04:00

it's really slow today here at the newsmachine... i am waiting for some parliamentarian to call me back and also waiting to speak with a seven year old girl who had made 25-thousand dollars for the heart and stroke foundation by selling lemonade. apparently donald trump sends her his best wishes, but cannot visit her lemonade stand because he tapes the apprentice on weekends. that's what it says

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1115744958590703212005-05-10T13:09:00.000-04:002005-05-10T13:09:18.596-04:00

we have a new intern at the office. he is big like the sky and his name is ruben.because our work environment is so supportive (it really is), colleagues walk by his desk and say, "ruben, how are you doing?" or "hey ruben, are things coming along?" you know, stuff like that. so i look over at his desk, expecting to see an affable obese black dude with great pipes and a porkpie hat.so i just asked

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1115242523298387152005-05-04T17:27:00.000-04:002005-05-04T17:35:23.303-04:00

i wrote a brilliant discursus on my abusive relationship with my vibrator collection. then my computer shut down before i had the chance to post.i've been feeling insecure about my writing because, as my friend mike pointed out, now that i'm not addicted to cocaine nor having guys jizz in my eye for cocaine, i am "just like everyone else".but then today, i had all the salacious (and buzzworthy,

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1114892348894585482005-04-30T15:56:00.000-04:002005-05-02T11:00:29.216-04:00

the cure for existential ennui? postmodern malaise? doubts about life, your net worth on the planet and the fear that we're alone in the universe? the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.on mushrooms.my old man and i knew that if we had any chance of seeing nerds dressed in bathrobes at the movie theatre, we would have to see adams' adapted masterpiece on opening night. the nerds in their jammies

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1114549171726454712005-04-26T16:58:00.000-04:002005-04-26T16:59:31.726-04:00

sometimes i get so jealous of blog comments. like, SO jealous. it's a condition called BCE, or blog comment envyitis. i am petty, i've never made a secret of this. as a result, i have no problem with/experience no shame when i go to other people's blogs and secretly demean their writing. and the fervour of the debasement is directly proportionate to the amount of blog comments left by the adoring

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1114443277165303882005-04-25T11:33:00.000-04:002005-04-25T11:34:37.166-04:00

i changed my hair for the first time in 17 years. it was all very unceremonious... i had gone in on friday, clamped my trembling hands down on Laura The Hair Chopper's shoulders and said, "listen. i'm terrified, but i think i want to cut bangs. you, who knows hair and heads and faces, tell me, is this going to look shitty?" The Chopper, who was smoking a capri long enough to be a pixie stick,

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1113597519666110202005-04-15T16:35:00.000-04:002005-04-15T16:41:48.506-04:00

random Friday notes:my little brother's business partner emailed me today. entombed within the email was the phrase, "don't compress it, you'll loose sound quality". that extra O he dropped into the word 'lose' made me lose about 37 per cent of my respect for him. earlier, i edited an interview i did with the gent who played kip in napoleon dynamite. as the story goes, the time machine scene is

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1113338768674561392005-04-12T16:43:00.000-04:002005-04-12T16:46:08.676-04:00

this article is just the best darn music article i've ever read. i found it on the cybernet and felt the need to share it with the world. one might argue that because it was already on the cybernet that it was also already shared with the world, but i will hear none of those arguments. one might also argue that because it is three and a half years old and originally published in a widely-read

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1113252298921554502005-04-11T16:37:00.000-04:002005-04-11T16:44:58.923-04:00

the hippies came through -- all it took was a follow-up call. the hippies found my travel log and put it in a cupboard. that's where hippies put things! they put them in cupboards, then forget about them, get confused when you ask them about the things they put in those cupboards, but then remember when you ask them twice. twice is the magic number for hippies. because of the whole balance thing.

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1112995342579827212005-04-08T17:21:00.000-04:002005-04-08T17:22:22.583-04:00

that's it. i've lost my faith in hippies.scratch that. i never had any faith in hippies, because there's nothing to have faith in. they rarely bathe, their politics are poorly-researched and often contradictory, they listen to jam bands, and i have it on good authority that most of them drink their own urine. the one prop i will give (some) hippies is their affinity for — and judicious use of —

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1112813496777953052005-04-06T14:50:00.000-04:002005-04-07T09:28:18.460-04:00

it occurred to me earlier today that part of the reason i lust after a certain (tame) degree of success and fame is to one day have the opportunity to demean one (or many) of the people who wronged me along the way. i'm a lot like bill gates in that sense, but without the billions of dollars and the biometric house and oddly-manifested general hatred of humanity.there was this one man, brent

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1112376229045533652005-04-01T12:22:00.000-05:002005-04-01T12:37:04.646-05:00

my sig oth has been trying to bolster my spirits now that i've been rejected from mcsweeney's a third time. (this time it was for the list "Examples of Words Turned into Inappropriate Verbs Used Mainly During Customer Service Team-Building Retreats" and when i read it over post-rejection i understood that it wasn't actually that funny. things i write at work seem funnier at work than outside of

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1112297306829416672005-03-31T14:28:00.000-05:002005-03-31T14:45:44.693-05:00

i just ran into the daily show's samantha bee walking around our studios. i'm much taller than her and could very easily crush her!not that i'd want to, she's very funny. i'm also wearing boots with giant heels that inflate me to somewhat behemoth proportions — boots my crazy French father calls "les bottes de bon morale", ie. "high spirit boots" or "boots that make me feel less like killing

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1112015071467153012005-03-28T08:01:00.000-05:002005-03-28T08:04:31.466-05:00

my boyf pointed out the startling similarity between the way terry schiavo and pope JP2 make words happen.in other news, i have a cold sore the size of a fitty-cent piece on my upper lip. the last time i had one this big was in university — i skipped my classes not because of vanity, but rather because the cold halifax wind would make it throb so i could feel my heart beating through my mouth. i

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1111529806022033392005-03-22T15:20:00.000-05:002005-03-22T20:59:33.986-05:00

last night i spoke at this. my pal, who was curating, asked me to do it sometime in february, while we were pumping iron in the testosterone flats section of the gym (it's the same section where the guys with no necks and zubaz pants work out). asking me to do things while i'm wailing on my pecs is never a good idea, because i'm all dopey happy from the endorphins and have temporarily tricked

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1111177981834853692005-03-18T15:28:00.000-05:002005-03-18T15:33:01.836-05:00

i have been freaking my ish over the new all bran bar. my mother and i had an extended conversation about it over the phone the other night. they're truly, truly delicious. in the spirit of spreading the gospel, i told my bff about them, also over the phone. she said, "i know. they're awesome with gorgonzola."

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1111011403923194552005-03-16T16:40:00.000-05:002005-03-16T17:16:43.926-05:00

charming childhood memories #0023when i was 8, my family lived in the biggest hotel in the southwest, the Loews Anatole. my father was the manager and my 3-year old brother and i pretended to be the managers of empty conference rooms, routinely stealing leftover tartlets and soda cans while the banquet staff was cleaning up. we also liked to think we ran the wildlife on the hotel's sprawling

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1110947719827365552005-03-15T23:33:00.000-05:002005-03-15T23:35:19.830-05:00

please PLEASE PLEASE tell me how to deal with the television when the old navy bermuda shorts commercial comes on. SHORTS!(please also keep in mind that turning the television off is not an option. nor is changing the channel, because i don't know where my recall button is. i'm so stupid.)

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1110827369717159142005-03-14T14:09:00.000-05:002005-03-14T14:09:29.723-05:00

this weekend left me with a lot of war wounds. the worst war wounds are the ones you get when you've tricked yourself into believing that you'll have a quiet, home-no-later-than-3ayem weekend. these weekends usually involve drugs... and as someone who isn't as much of a fan as drugs as before, the war wounds were deeper. and oozier.friday night: friday was going to be a perfect exercise in

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1110383619532653032005-03-09T10:48:00.000-05:002005-03-09T10:53:39.533-05:00

i saw a man in his 50s studying the registry of motor vehicles' driver's manual on the airplane last night. i felt sorry for him, because i think it takes a certain degree of youthful stupidity to get used to being behind the wheel of a two ton piece of steel and drive around with equally stupid people behind the wheels of equally heavy pieces of steel. once most people have grown out of their

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1110316037403020472005-03-08T15:47:00.000-05:002005-03-08T16:07:17.406-05:00

i like typing my blog's URL with the hope that i'll read a new post. then i remember that i am the one who updates this blog and that if there were a new post, i'd know about it, because i would have been the author. it's like, yeah! i like illmatic! that's a great blog with funny stories! let's see if that funny blogging person has updated! then i'm all, shit! i wrote this stuff! which means

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1109869804387888432005-03-03T12:09:00.000-05:002005-03-03T12:23:06.023-05:00

first off, i need to give a big fat dripping-with-gratitude shoutout to my homegirl geek angel, willo, for altruistically offering to fix my comments and jazzing up illmatic. thank you, you talented little piece of good-looking work. now that it's sexier, i feel that my career as a teen model is closer than ever before. the last piece of the puzzle is to find someone to build me a time machine so

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1109618349074698252005-02-28T14:17:00.000-05:002005-02-28T14:19:09.076-05:00

my renewed interest -- nay -- weird obsession with cooking is a direct result of the lack of control i've been feeling in my life. it was easy to figure out because whenever i buy something pre-packaged, like a jar of chili, i need to mix in a bunch of cayenne and oregano. in fact, i've been putting cayenne in everything (obviously) because it's bleak and gross outside and the sky has been the

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1109183549660346812005-02-23T13:25:00.000-05:002005-02-23T13:32:29.663-05:00

i read this enlightening (and enlightened!) piece of literature from the good people over at the traditional family values coalition (thank god i'm not raising CHILDREN in this sick and depraved world):Parents Beware: 'Shrek 2' Features Transgenderism And Crossdressing ThemesSummary: The DreamWorks' animated film, "Shrek 2," is billed as harmless entertainment but contains subtle sexual

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1109017575342429482005-02-21T15:26:00.000-05:002005-02-21T15:26:15.343-05:00

after eating about 10 pounds of chicken wings and potato wedges last night, eagerly awaiting the opening piano bliiiiiiings of six feet under, i flipped by an infomercial for ProActiv Solution, that totally awesome face wash system that used judith light as a spokesperson in the late 90s. (i am part of the ProActiv Clear Skin Club, for the record. it works better than anything i've ever bought

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1108592137166703642005-02-16T17:15:00.000-05:002005-02-16T17:15:37.170-05:00

guys can be dicks. here are some examples:RP, to whom i gave a blow job in 4th year university. he started getting dressed about four or five minutes after he had left his globby present in my mouth. when i inquired as to whether or not he felt like spending the night, he said, "i have to go return those movies we rented". i replied, "but they were week-long rentals". he was out the door 20

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1108525004260361842005-02-15T22:29:00.000-05:002005-02-15T22:36:44.260-05:00

yesterday as i lay on the couch smoking a small hash joint, wearing my favourite t-shirt with my last name on it, i failed to notice two small heaters drop off and burn a perfect umlaut into the "O", which is the first vowel of two in the letter sequence. now i either look german, or like a smokeaholic.in other news, i've totally fabricated a nemesis at the office. he's a fellow freelancer who

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1108158782269191212005-02-11T16:49:00.000-05:002005-02-11T16:53:02.270-05:00

it looks like my comments aren't working. i was getting half-up-in-arms about no one reading the material, but ole intellectual poison sent me an email today explaining the haloscan bungle, and voila, there was the explanation.so what about the jeff gannon/james guckert ish, huh? if i knew i could be lobbing questions at the president of the united states after a two-day course and fifty bucks, i

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1108074095167323862005-02-10T17:21:00.000-05:002005-02-10T17:21:35.166-05:00

i've been in a state of freaked-out paralysis this last week, having been given a short freelance contract with this unbelievable (and unnamed for anonymity reasons!) show and terrified that i'll somehow screw everything up and as a result, get blacklisted. so by yesterday, humpday, i figured it was high time to get high and eat pie with a couple of friends and discuss things people tend to

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1107550137573609792005-02-04T15:38:00.000-05:002005-02-04T15:48:57.573-05:00

here is my monthly dose of name-dropping: when the arcade fire came to toronto last october, they stayed at my house. i got really high on hash and offered to make win, the lead singer, a grilled cheese sandwich, because he's gigantic and seemed to be needing sustinance after their 2-hour long aerobicizing-pogoing-frenzied-rawk explosion of a show. i then monologued about my childhood for what

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1107402453819792852005-02-02T22:33:00.000-05:002005-02-02T22:47:33.820-05:00

every day i come up with new reasons to be at once for and against marriage. some days, the case sways blatantly in one direction or another. recently, i read this on my pal's pre-wedding-organization website (in the "our story" section of the site): "their love bloomed, as cherry blossoms do, in late may before graduation" this was entirely confusing to me, as it was coming from one of my

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1106840271452887822005-01-27T10:32:00.000-05:002005-01-27T10:37:51.453-05:00

after my sixteen-thousandth internal monologue about how i'd probably be one of those writers who would eventually get a crappy book deal, write a moderately-crappy-but-kind-of-niche-market book only to see it on a discount rack at chapters with a faded 80% OFF sticker slapped on the middle of the title typeface, i decided i would still be happy if someone told me i was destined to acheive that

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1106839626419183702005-01-27T10:26:00.000-05:002005-01-27T10:27:06.420-05:00

a reporter friend/colleague of mine just came back from the bloated corpse fest that is sri lanka and india... we had a brief, mildly manic laugh about post-traumatic stress disorder and the battery of prescription drugs she was going to get out of the circumstance for "dealing" purposes. anticipating her return, last week i made her a couple of mix CDs: "songs to take valium to" and "

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1106768270296514132005-01-26T14:23:00.000-05:002005-01-26T14:37:50.296-05:00

ajax sent me an email today asked me if it was true that i no longer write. i was all, duh, of course i still write, just not on semi-not-really-kind-of widely read internet websites anymore, you know, places where i could get bitchslapped for saying out-of-line ish about the main players in my life, pseudonymized or not. i told him i had been relegating the wordsmithing to obligations (articles

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1074009872001357342004-01-13T11:04:00.000-05:002004-01-13T11:06:22.310-05:00

it was inevitable... once you start shooting off your big mouth about blogging, the masses find out, the masses then make efforts to find you... and by you i mean me, which leads me to the aforementioned inevitable: i'm shutting down illmatic. i can only imagine you guys have undergone the same psychological process: the candid writing, the thrill of getting feedback from strangers, feeding off

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1073502445325608762004-01-07T14:07:00.000-05:002004-01-07T15:59:43.763-05:00

the job hunt has officially begun. resumes have been sent. to actual people. like, real people with real jobs in new york and stuff. i'm going to live in new york in a brightly-lit plant-filled loft on the upper eastside with unfinished hardwood floors and wacky wall colours, such as santa fe teal and burnt orange. and cushions! zany-printed cushions with raw japanese silk patches! no i'm not.

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1073329241943377802004-01-05T14:00:00.000-05:002004-01-05T14:01:01.316-05:00

being a professional at chronic over-analysis has made me quite adept at identifying exactly why i'm having certain emotions and reactions, yet completely unable to prevent myself from tailspinning into a frenzy of worry. i've always been amazed at how fast my head processes things and how long it takes for my heart to catch up with it. it's just like that movie seabiscuit. no it's not.

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1073073399942339672004-01-02T14:42:00.000-05:002004-01-02T14:56:57.746-05:00

i really liked blog-slackerdom. but i'm back, briefly, at least for this glorious TGIF, where the infidels seem to have run jack frost out of toronto, because it's a mild spring day in this part of the world. and it's exactly what i need after the 31st, which was mildly disastrous on a psychological level (but we'll blame that on overconsumption). anecdotes: this was my very first TGIF with my

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1072243902357953642003-12-23T23:51:00.000-05:002003-12-24T00:31:58.003-05:00

hello. hello to belle and grant and monique and lex and ajax and dan and mike m and mike s and su and sedalina and johnny huh and tongues and lili and pony and theo and wiffle and leblanc and anyone else who i've missed... here's a hello and a thank you for being a friend (name the line from that hit 80s sitcom... go ahead, NAME IT!!). merry damn christmas. happy damn holidays. thank you for

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1072152735918056752003-12-22T22:20:00.000-05:002003-12-22T23:12:31.560-05:00

i haven't been salacious in a little while -- at least not in the ole blog, so i figured it was probably time to rekindle some heat, to keep the home fires burning, or something, or something else... insert mixed/erroneous/inappropriate metaphor here... i've phrased it in the form of an FAQ, for maximum clarity. slut school frequently asked/assed questions when was your first kiss? i was 15.

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071760392643129772003-12-18T10:10:00.000-05:002003-12-18T10:13:27.100-05:00

aiight -- here's the last of it... again, for the entire 4,000 word extravaganza, head back to december 16th. c'mon, you know you waaaaaant it. Lost in the K-Hole (Part 3): My test crew had been whittled down to five people: two girls and three guys. I met Robert within minutes of reaching the clinic on the first Sunday evening. We were stranded outside the building, banging on the glass doors

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071677705523591952003-12-17T11:10:00.000-05:002003-12-17T11:15:19.736-05:00

here's the penultimate instalment... (for newcomers, the story started on december 16th, you know, if you're at all interested. which you're probably not.) Lost in the K-Hole (part 2) “Hello, I was looking for Kat.” “This is she.” “Kat, this is Urmilla calling from the Ventana Clinic. You left a message inquiring about our newest study.” “Yes! I mean, yes. I did. What can you tell me about it?

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071592756951111652003-12-16T11:33:00.001-05:002003-12-16T12:55:37.953-05:00

so here it is... the first instalment of the first chapter of the first magnum opus that will never be read by anyone except for yous guys. (and i appreciate that far more than some housefrau from nebraska picking up my crappy dogeared 80 per cent off stickered novel from the smelly bulk bin of a local chapters.) Lost in the K-Hole. The truly magical thing about being unemployed is how your

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071529656905918102003-12-15T18:03:00.000-05:002003-12-15T18:07:50.710-05:00

there will be plenty of flavoured hash in the proverbial blog hookah tomorrow (good metaphor stupid)... i'll be delivering the tale of the brain and health prostitution i did last june while i was "between contracts", ahem, unemployed. i spent too much of today listening to the DFA remix of lcd soundsystem's "yeah". the lyrics go like this: yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071265622637096112003-12-12T16:46:00.000-05:002003-12-12T16:47:15.293-05:00

not to make idle threats, but i almost shut down my blog today. in fact, i tried really hard... i changed the URL and everything, but then my technological incompetence got the better of me and i became confused. the confusion served as a sort of smokescreen, blurring the initial goal, then clearing and revealing a different landscape of thoughts, which are outlined below: as i watched the

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071166837510857942003-12-11T13:11:00.000-05:002003-12-11T13:20:50.120-05:00

The Apologea (a letter to my friend dan which will also explain my recent spate of lazyblogging): i would like to blame an alien attack on the lack of e-love. an alien attack, a pie-eating competition gone awry, an existential crisis, a war, a book launch that made me realize i was never going to be a writer (at least never going to be a writer who liked any of her stuff), a near-death by

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071101142243565442003-12-10T19:00:00.000-05:002003-12-10T19:05:54.773-05:00

this will be brief and will barely hurt at all it will also be free of punctuation my female boss stroked my hair while i was sitting at my desk today and said i looked like a princess, making me wonder where the line is you know what line i'm talking about and i said, "shit kat, take your compliments while they're there for the taking, she said you looked like a princess" i'm a princess and a

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1071008113726119322003-12-09T17:15:00.000-05:002003-12-09T17:15:25.853-05:00

dear ashton kutcher, i watched punk'd for the first time on sunday evening before going out for vietnamese food. people had been causing a bit of a commotion about the show, so for pop culture's sake, i tuned in to see what the kerfuffle was about. pardon me if this sounds rash, but fuck man, your show sucks wang. you played pranks -- ahem -- "punk'd" a few no-name football players by having

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1070922887080456142003-12-08T17:34:00.000-05:002003-12-08T17:34:58.680-05:00

theo and i went ahead with our tandem book launch this weekend. (remember national novel writing month? yeah, me neither. i have vague recollections of 100-thousand words needing to be written between the both of us in 30 days, but i ended up obliterating november, ahem, ted nugevember, ahem, hellvember with booze and pills and powders instead. i did manage to spew out about 11-grand though,

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1070575275565079962003-12-04T17:00:00.000-05:002003-12-20T19:39:55.280-05:00

and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. it was as clear as a neon sign beckoning me to EA AT OE'S. maybe someone gave me an analysis lobotomy and i hadn't noticed... i never liked crush #2. i liked the fact that he was completely, utterly and fully unattainable. (duhn duhn DUHN). or just plain duh. duh. duh. on an entirely unrelated note... a letter i wrote to the man last night walking on

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1070487430222832402003-12-03T16:37:00.000-05:002003-12-03T16:37:20.643-05:00

terrible news struck this morning -- i went in for my annual girlie check up with my doctor this morning (the selfsame doctor who delivered me 24 years ago... we reconvened haphazardly two years ago when i was looking for a GP in the city... i walked into his office and said, "hey, dr. gare.. remember me?" there was an exchange of confused looks and then nervous laughter upon me explaining my

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1070394857171293442003-12-02T14:54:00.000-05:002003-12-02T14:54:26.953-05:00

i am truly, truly, TRULY going to try and make this the very last post about crush #2. i can honestly, honestly, HONESTLY say these real-people-feelings i was having for him are riding on an inbred miniature horse into an unimpressive cloudy sunset (the opposite of one of those explosive technicolour neon sunsets that makes you pull over your jetta, get out, stand on the loose, asphalt-y side of

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1070311771394871342003-12-01T15:49:00.000-05:002003-12-01T15:49:40.986-05:00

my liver and pancreas tried to launch an insurrection yesterday afternoon. i woke up to find them both hunched over the Ikea coffee table (ottenby, shade: white veneer... swede-tastic!) in the living room, surrounded by blueprints, maps, 3-D models of my DNA and the Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, whispering to each other in hushed, urgent tones. the pancreas had made a beet-saturated

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1070055990482208802003-11-28T16:46:00.000-05:002003-11-28T18:00:01.126-05:00

javadan's comment about my heartache making good copy got the bloated gerbil in the wheel that is my brain running at hyperspeed. it dredged up the last thing my norwegian ex said to me after i broke it off -- (and when i say "said" i kind of mean "yelled") KAT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE DATING ME JUST SO I CAN BECOME A CHAPTER IN YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY (fumble for socks, stumble out of house, slam

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069958050813571782003-11-27T13:34:00.000-05:002003-11-27T14:52:38.033-05:00

wait, wait, wait just one paragraph... because there will be flashes from last night's going away party for the supermodel waif who works in the photo department... but first, a bit of background on her. two weeks ago, when one of my dear friends was laid off, i had started to cry at my desk. because our soul-robbing corporation has opted for the open-concept big brother aesthetic of "to each

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069885760995966452003-11-26T17:27:00.000-05:002003-11-26T17:32:35.170-05:00

my life is richer... far richer than anyone could ever expect... for today, today of all days, on this magnificent Today where everything is possible, nothing is impossible and everything is in its right place, all surfaces are clean, the ants are marching in a straight line to an idyllic paradise in the sky, puppies and bunnies are snuggling in soft heaps on lilypads, a muted, mildly toxic sun

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069799443256159742003-11-25T17:30:00.000-05:002003-11-25T17:30:51.530-05:00

brevity is the key to good communication, so let's make this one a quick hypothetical: given the choice: lame sex or no sex at all? (here is mine: moments before losing my virginity at the age of 18 to a guy named greg who seven years older than me (to OK computer by radiohead might i add -- while fitterhappier played... there's something unsettling about a robotic, vocodered voice monologuing

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069705587890063382003-11-24T15:26:00.000-05:002003-11-25T22:44:56.066-05:00

slut school (warning, explicit content, parental guidance suggested) i've always been amazed at my egregious ability to have sex with perfect strangers, while simultaneously being terrified of launching into something meaningful with a person i enjoy. the mere thought of the army of love conquering the territory of sex nauseates me. NAUSEATES ME. it's that irritating affectionate smirk that

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069365737328419132003-11-20T17:00:00.000-05:002003-11-24T11:56:00.970-05:00

after all this talk of hideous hideous november (which seems to be giving belle and i the MegaBlues), i had to include the following excerpt, courtesy of my partner in indie crime, mike miner: There are days when the sun breaks over the horizon in a sprint and porky little cherubs pop you out of bed with peppy sambas played on Dr Seuss instruments and you slide along a rainbow to work where the

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069279313116404932003-11-19T17:01:00.000-05:002003-11-19T17:02:00.170-05:00

once again, the inspiration has been sucked out of my ears by zombies or robots or zombie robot cyborgs or robot zombie poltergeist cyborgs with that new fold-away vacuum cleaner that bissel makes (drool)... why won't you guys just wear bells so i know you're coming, that way i could at least have a fighting CHANCE against you harvesting sections of my brain. or play fair and call your german

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069197450718158702003-11-18T18:13:00.000-05:002003-11-18T18:17:37.390-05:00

i actually "worked" today (and by "worked" i mean "wrote the articles i was supposed to write" and by "worked" i mean "looked up canadian much music VJs on friendster and established that i was better and funnier than them to heal my conflicted self-esteem") so this post is bound to be a bit of a dog's breakfast. random thoughts ahoy: the second drum lesson went swimmingly. after spending most

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1069100465967067252003-11-17T15:20:00.000-05:002003-11-17T15:21:12.240-05:00

the eradication of crush #2 has begun. kind of. because i am vapid and transparent, i walked by his desk today in my adorable new ben sherman gingham button-up with my hair in two little bjork buns sticking out of my grey kangol flat cap, only to turn my back on him and ask the woman in the next door cubicle a question. i did this because i am vapid and transparent and was trying too hard at

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068824031180755752003-11-14T10:33:00.000-05:002003-11-14T10:34:35.780-05:00

okay. OKAY. i know i might be alienating some of you with all of this addiction talk. who the hell wants to read a blog by some speed freak? not i, says i. and certainly not you. shit has been heavy around kat's head, but now it's time to get heavy in a completely different way. i'm talking about rock and roll. didja hear that? RAWKNFUCKINROLL! i have some excellent news. this excellent news

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068761830949812412003-11-13T17:15:00.000-05:002003-11-13T17:17:16.310-05:00

my roommate made a compelling point about drugs yesterday as i was sprawled all over our couch lamenting my ennuied existence: her: how much of that blow do you have left from the weekend? me: none. her: (slits her large bug eyes) me: it kind of dwindled away. it's the monkey on my back until it's all gone. her: i don't want to sound the alarm bells, but maybe you should stop doing it for a

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068663731113817302003-11-12T13:55:00.000-05:002003-11-12T14:02:16.393-05:00

i'm thinking (and wishing, in that feverish, who-will-ask-me-to-the-prom sorta way) this will be the last shovelful of dirt thrown onto the coffin of the crush #2 story. as i was frantically looking for rogue cocaine crystals on my bedroom floor yesterday evening after a particularly harrowing day at work, hoping that i could gather enough of them for a little pick-me-up, i realized something was

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068587226600522132003-11-11T16:45:00.000-05:002003-11-11T16:47:11.046-05:00

if i could muster up the energy to be deliriously uninspired, i would be. but instead we'll all have to settle for plain old uninspired. accordingly, you'll have to deal with the following post, which is largely based on an email i wrote to my friend mike at 2 p.m. i gave crush #2 a silent deadline to follow up on our tentative date plans to see a movie this evening -- the deadline has come and

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068510209428342242003-11-10T18:19:00.000-05:002003-11-10T19:23:34.063-05:00

i'm not sure if it's the waiting game or my abominably short attention span (oh look! a bird!) or my hyper-focus on shiny objects, but the intensity of the crush on crush #2 seems to be waning. at least for now. a girl can only wait so long and act so cute and be so charming for so long... i said that already... something something... you get the picture. my friend dc and i were sourcing bagel

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068228874853382672003-11-07T13:14:00.000-05:002003-11-07T13:14:38.726-05:00

on my walk to work from the subway station this morning (as the weather gets colder the subway begins to smell more and more like the body odour of people who bathe in bologna) i was thinking about the ways in which my parents played a role in my present mental condition (ie: The Battle to Maintain a Grip -- However Tenuous -- On Sanity). i then got on the cyber horn and read belle's post. i felt

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068159346961089092003-11-06T17:55:00.000-05:002003-11-06T17:55:50.866-05:00

there are moments where you simply wish your life were a television show. the set-up, the storm hitting, the denouement, the conclusion, the crescendo of inspiring music over the closing scene, and best of all: the credits. i've been aching all day for my life to turn into the credits. the simple black screen, the unveiling of the people who were REALLY playing the parts in your life, the

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1068070599050493172003-11-05T16:57:00.000-05:002003-11-05T17:16:42.423-05:00

it has been another psychologically harrowing day for the old emotional neurotransmitters thanks to my internal struggle to prevent Love Feelings from developing... so i'll keep this tiny: a bland, boring man i met at a party a few weeks ago asked me for dinner on friday. i'm assuming he received my email address from the party host, which is fine, albeit confusing, as i distinctly remember

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067980894093537012003-11-04T16:21:00.000-05:002003-11-04T16:21:37.120-05:00

today i would like to talk about feelings. on this exact day last year, my live-in boyfriend and i called it quits. we had been dating for two years and according to everyone we knew -- and maybe even a few people we had never met but had heard of our gorgeous and everlasting love through the social channels -- we were destined for one another, destined for marriage, destined for a plant-filled

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067891450173343402003-11-03T15:30:00.000-05:002003-11-03T15:30:52.793-05:00

friday's date was perfect. close to 11 hours long. no kisses. i'm afraid for my heart and sanity. that's all i have to say. saturday was less emotionally-wrought but satisfying... i finally have a concrete reason to hate leah mclaren. a lot of people hate leah mclaren. they hate her because she's smug and self-aggrandizing. they hate her because she's pretty and young and makes a lot of money

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067615357173308412003-10-31T10:47:00.000-05:002003-10-31T10:49:18.890-05:00

brain: you're not going to get much out of me today. kb: why? brain: uh, hellooooo... your DATE??? kb: good christ. i totally forgot. brain: (auto-alert) i will be shutting down in 15 seconds. the following message will play, on a constant loop, for the next 24 hours: kat be cool kat be cool kat be cool kat be cool kat be cool 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com58tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067538664513049992003-10-30T13:30:00.000-05:002003-10-30T13:30:54.140-05:00

my imaginary interview with david letterman: "this girl, ladies and gentleman, is the freshest thing to come out of the worlds of glitterati AND literati since jesus was a cowboy..." kb: howya doin' dave. dl: looking good kiddo! kb: thanks... oscar de la renta called and he INSISTED i wear some of his stuff. i don't usually do the designer thing, but oscar just has the cutest accent, so, you

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067450237941829742003-10-29T12:56:00.000-05:002003-10-29T13:52:14.980-05:00

excerpt of a short conversation between sis and i last night (before i ran up an $80 dollar bar tab): sis: i just had a flashback. me: acid or vietnam? sis: (stares at me, bug-eyed) me: acid. sis: yeah-hunh. sound byte of a phone conversation overheard from the adjacent cubicle minutes ago: do you sell feathers? white, like, a bag of them? hunh? no white? do you have any feathers at all? so you

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067367107123812552003-10-28T13:48:00.000-05:002003-10-28T15:36:00.346-05:00

only 58 precious shopping days left until crimmas. as the gourds wither and are replaced with greenery of the spruce variety, i present to you (present... ahh, i kill me) my holiday wish list. the items are in no particular order of importance: adult-sized jolly jumper self respect jurassic park trilogy on DVD tennis pro smurf jet pack with batteries finger sized monkeys the perfect pankcake TM

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067284082495374042003-10-27T14:47:00.000-05:002003-10-27T14:48:03.023-05:00

everybody needs to take their lumps. today's came in the form of a rejection email from mcsweeney's, after i submitted a piece for their online journal: Kat: I'm going to pass on this, but I thank you for thinking of us, and urge you to try us again in the future. John Warner starting up this blog has been the perfect conduit to extract the stupid little writer i always knew lived inside me,

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1067012003892950472003-10-24T12:12:00.000-04:002003-10-24T12:15:35.596-04:00

things to be filed under the "it seemed like a good idea at the time" category: icing-glazed pumpkin scone from starbucks: capable of speeding up your heart rate to 200 BPM. taking 4 contact C in a row to "combat" flu syptoms (read: indulge in my quasi-addiction to mild psychopharmacheuticals): inadvisable. allows one to experience the world through a dull, mildly eupohric and generally

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1066942260902024092003-10-23T16:48:00.000-04:002003-10-23T16:51:00.396-04:00

a conversation with my dear friend sniderman, whose link is posted on this blog, (reporter's notebook... which i would link right here if i could, but i'm too stupid to fully understand the wild wild world of html) inspired this hallowe'en-inspired post. (what? who inspired who? who's in the what now kat? shut up kat. shut up SHUT UP.) hallowe'en 2003 is around the corner. this badass pagan

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1066857534436767542003-10-22T17:17:00.000-04:002003-10-22T17:18:54.353-04:00

today was a total, like, bummer, dude. our hero finds out that crush #2 in fact has not broken up with the out-of-town girlie friend. she then wonders if she's reliving her painful pre-breast-development teen years where all the boys she crushed on were all like, "awe kat, you've got an amazing personality... i love you like a sister" and is now taking the fast train to platonicville, USA. if i

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1066745376551960802003-10-21T10:09:00.000-04:002003-10-21T10:09:39.233-04:00

i tried so hard to put my hands over my ears and sing loudly in order to ignore, and therefore prevent this flu from truly kicking my immune system's ass, but sadly, it seems to have taken a divide-and-conquer strategy and settled in my throat (scratchy. voice sounds like kathleen turned with a hangover.), nose (one nostril runny. one backed up like the brooklyn bridge at 5.), body (erratic

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1066675751962710402003-10-20T14:48:00.000-04:002003-10-20T14:49:11.430-04:00

in other news: i finally grew the cajones to ask crush #2 out. all signs were pointing to the fact that he finds me irresistable (at least this is what i would tell myself when the amphetamines would temporarily inflate my sense of self)... we're going out on hallowe'en to see the raptors do their thang against washington. there are three things i'm concerned about: 1) finding the perfect outfit

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835079.post-1066663963251515922003-10-20T11:21:00.000-04:002003-10-20T11:32:43.013-04:00

the aesthetic of our living room has taken a turn for the scary. on a pre-party saturday evening whim, sis decided she NEEDED to start a new painting because applying for med school was getting SO boring. she graphed one of the crimson-washed canvases that's been propped on the shelving unit for the last 7 months, prepared her paints, threw down a tarp, set up the easel and did a chalk sketch of

Rxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05261847705659581036noreply@blogger.com0